I used to think there was something wrong with me. Something I couldn't quite put my finger on. I knew I was always an anxious person and take a mild anti-anxiety to calm my very highs and very lows...which, has been a saving grace for me and my creativity. I was always so distracted by my own anxiety about everything that I had no time to focus on anything artistic. But I now know this goes deeper than an innate mood. And I owe it all to a friend who introduced me to a book called Quiet.
Looking back to when I used to work in an office, I now understand why I wouldn't want to go to work. Or why I would have major panic attacks and feel like the whole world was crashing in on me. It's because I am an introvert. No, this doesn't mean I'm socially inept or a recluse. I just recharge better alone. Most offices force you to be in open concepts with no privacy, walls to hide behind or doors to think quietly. Management encourages staff to brainstorm in crammed meeting rooms with flip charts. I thought there was something weird about myself that when it came to a staff luncheon, I would pretend to be on the phone rather than take part in the meeting. I remember one particularly jerky creepy office manager who used to scold anyone who didn't participate in staff events as a "social retard."
I broke free of the captivity of scrutinous eyes and tight quarters with no privacy and now flourish in my own controlled environment; a mixture of social with shooting and quiet while editing. I no longer call in sick or dread going to work. I no longer have panic attacks that feel as though my heart will explode out of my chest.
I've been bookmarking some of my favourite parts of the book. They say that 50% of us are introverts so I'm sure this will relate to some of you. I once worked for a company that published the results of all the employees' Meyers-Briggs personality traits. At first, I thought this was invasive. But I came to see the merit in understanding that my manager for example, was not standoffish or rude. She simply was an introvert. I think this book is great for anyone with children who fit this profile as it discusses the types of environments these kids will flourish in. It's also good for management to understand probably half of their demographic...especially the technicians and programmers. Perhaps if they had a safe place, an office with a door where they could do their best thinking, they would be happier in their work environment. It definitely helped me to understand myself better, the types of environments I feel comfortable in and most of all recognize that I am not crazy. Just quiet. Well, sometimes anyways :)
* I had always imagined Rosa parks as a stately woman with a bold temperament, someone who could easily stand up to a busload of glowering passengers. But when she died in 2005 at the age of ninety-two, the flood of obituaries recalled her as soft-spoken, sweet, and small in stature. They said she was "timid and shy" but had "the courage of a lion." They were full of phrases like "radical humility" and "quiet fortitude." What does it mean to be quiet AND have fortitude, these descriptions asked implicitly. How could you be shy AND courageous? Parks herself seemed aware of this paradox, calling her autobiography Quiet Strength-a title that challenges us to question our assumptions. Why shouldn't quiet be strong? And what else can quiet do that we don't give it credit for?
* Introversion--along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness and shyness-is now a second class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living under the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.
* Now that you're an adult, you might still feel a pang of guilt when you decline a dinner invitation in favor of a good book. Or you are told that you're "in your head too much," a phrase that's often deployed against the quiet and cerebral. Of course, there's another word for such people: thinkers.
* Everyone waited for Laura to reply, but she couldn't think of anything to say. So she just sat there. Blinking. All eyes on her. Her clients shifting uneasily in their seats. Her thoughts running in a familiar loop: I'm too quiet for this kind of thing. She imagined the person who would be better equipped to save the day: someone bold, smooth, ready to pound the legal table. In middle school this person, unlike Laura would have been called outgoing, the highest accolade her seventh grade classmates knew, higher than "pretty" for a girl or "athletic" for a guy. Laura promised herself that she only had to make it through the day. Tomorrow she would go look for another career. Then she remembered what I'd told her again and again: she was an introvert, and as such she had unique powers in negotiation--perhaps less obvious but no less formidable. She probably prepared more than everyone else. She had a quiet but firm speaking style. She rarely spoke without thinking.
* Introverts in contrast, may have strong social skills and enjoy parties and business meetings, but after a while wish they were home in their pajamas. Many have a horror of small talk but enjoy deep discussions.
* But even if you answered every single question as an introvert or extrovert, that doesn't mean that your behavior is predictable across all circumstances. We can't say that every introvert is a bookworm or every extrovert wears lampshades at parties any more than we can say that every woman is a natural consensus-builder and every man loves contact sports. As Jung felicitously put it, there is no such thing as a pure extrovert or a pure introvert. Such a man would be in the lunatic asylum.
* If we assume that quiet and loud people have roughly the same number of good (and bad) ideas, then we should worry if the louder and more forceful people always carry the day. This would mean that an awful of of bad ideas prevail while good ones get squashed.
* I worry that there are people who are put in positions of authority because they're good talkers, but they don't have good ideas. It's so easy to confuse schmoozing ability with talent. Someone seems like a good presenter, easy to get along with, and those traits are rewarded. Well, why is that? They're valuable traits, but we put too much of a premium on presenting and not enough on substance and critical thinking.
* Studies have shown that, indeed, introverts are more likely than extroverts to express intimate facts about themselves online that their family and friends would be surprised to read, to say that they can express the "real me" online, and to spend more time in certain kind of online discussions.
* He discovered his introversion as a junior in college when he realized he was getting up early in the morning, just to savor time alone with a steaming cup of coffee. He enjoyed parties but found himself leaving early. Other people would get louder and louder and he would get quieter and quieter.
* The high reactive babies were not misantrhopes in the making; they were simply sensitive to their environments. High reactive children may be more likely to develop into artists and writers and scientists and thinkers because their aversion to novelty causes them to spend time inside the familiar environment of their own heads. High reactives pick other vocations where you're in charge: you close the door, pull down the shades and do your work. You're protected from encountering unexpected things.
* The more reactive a child's amygdala, the higher his heart rate is likely to be, the more widely dilated his eyes, the tighter his vocal cords, the more cortisol (a stress hormone) in his saliva-the more jangled he's likely to feel when he confronts something new and stimulating. As high reactive infants grow up, they continue to confront the unknown in many different contexts, from visiting an amusement park for the first time to meeting new classmates on the first day of kindergarten. We tend to notice most a child's reaction to unfamiliar people--how does he behave on the first day of school? Does she seem uncertain at birthday parties full of kids she doesn't know? But what we're really observing is a child's sensitivity to novelty in general, not just to people.
* Your sweet spot is the place where you're optimally stimulated. You probably seek it out already without being aware that you're doing so. Imagine that you're lying contentedly in a hammock reading a great novel. This is a sweet spot. But after half an hour you realize that you've read the same sentence five times; now you're under stimulated. So you call a friend and go out for brunch--in other words, you ratchet up your stimulation level--and as you laugh and gossip, you're back inside your sweet spot. But this agreeable state lasts only until your friend--an extrovert who needs more more stimulation that you do, persuades you to accompany her to a block party where you're now confronted by a seas of strangers. Your friends' neighbours seem affable enough, but you feel pressured to make small talk above the din of music. Now--bang, just like that--you've fallen out of your sweet spot, except this time you're overstimulated and you'll probably feel that way until you pair off with someone on the periphery of the party of an in-depth conversation, or bow out altogether and return to your novel.
* If fast and slow animals had parties, some of the fasts would bore everyone with their loud conversation, while others would mutter into their beer that they don't get any respect. Slow animals are best described as shy, sensitive types. They don't assert themselves but they are observant and notice things that are invisible to the bullies. They are the writers and artists at the party who have interesting conversations out of earshot of the bullies. They are the inventors who figure out new ways to behave while the bullies steal their patents by copying their behavior.
* The popular press is full of suggestions that introverted leaders practice their public speaking skills and smile more. But Grant's research suggests that in at least one important regard--encouraging employees to take initiative--introverted leaders would do well to go on doing what they do naturally. Extroverted leaders on the other hand, may wish to adopt a more reserved, quiet style. They may want to learn to sit down so that others might stand up. Which is just what a woman named Rosa Parks did naturally.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Industry mixer
We are soon hosting an industry mixer at our home for photographers/videographers all over this region. Please contact me if you are interested in joining and I will extend the details of the invitation.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Great Expectations
Someone once told me I live a delusional life on Facebook. I mean, don't we all? If Facebook is my delusion, then this blog is my reality and in some ways, my therapy. I rarely share my feelings in real life so I thank you for letting me dump my pain in verbiage. And still coming back with no judgement. Or maybe some judge. Some use it as ammunition. Some thank me. Some get to know me on levels that they never could in real life. Some never will know me and some will forever be there.
We all post about the joys about our lives, but what about the nuances of our despair? The truths and the sorrows?
My job keeps me just busy enough to mostly forget about my hurt and pain but every once in a while it seeps in and the tears pour out unexpectedly. Today was one of those days. And the tears wouldn't stop.
We attended a funeral for a fine and wonderful lady by the name of Florence. Lovingly referred to as Flo, she welcomed my mom and I into her home and arms for 20 years. She was the grandmotherly grandma who baked pies, and always had a kind word for me. She was the mom of my (former) stepdad. For 20 years, we all co-existed like blended families do; as forced families trying to make sense of each other, and it wasn't easy. My teenage years were confusing as I didn't know myself, let alone this person who was in a father figure role. To be frank, it's probably fair to say that we couldn't stand each other. And then one day, things fall apart and you aren't family anymore. It's weird.
And yet today, we all wept as if we were family. We laughed at our past issues. We hugged and shared feelings that were never shared. My stepdad said words that I had never heard from him: I am so proud of you. I expected him to say this for years and he never did. Then again, maybe I didn't do anything worthy of being proud of. Maybe the problem is in life, we have too high expectations of each other. I see it daily. Women are struggling with their body image. Mothers are striving to be as good as the others. Friends expect secrets to be kept. Relationships are expected to just work. And then when you take a step back, grow older and wiser and reflect, you can understand that perhaps everyone is just doing the best that they can. Perhaps they did the best they could. Perhaps we can forgive and move forward armed with the knowledge of our mistakes and the wisdom of a prophet.
Perhaps we just need the time and space away to understand that everyone is unique, that we shouldn't cast judgement and most importantly, life is too damn short.
While Flo's grandson played the guitar and choked back the lyrics to "Amazing Grace" and "You are my sunshine", I had a thought. What if we just all could accept each other for who we are, for the good and bad days, respect the bonds that we've shared, honour the times spent together and if it doesn't work, carry forward as friends, at the very least?
What if we could just stop expecting so much and take the time to accept?
What if.
We all post about the joys about our lives, but what about the nuances of our despair? The truths and the sorrows?
My job keeps me just busy enough to mostly forget about my hurt and pain but every once in a while it seeps in and the tears pour out unexpectedly. Today was one of those days. And the tears wouldn't stop.
We attended a funeral for a fine and wonderful lady by the name of Florence. Lovingly referred to as Flo, she welcomed my mom and I into her home and arms for 20 years. She was the grandmotherly grandma who baked pies, and always had a kind word for me. She was the mom of my (former) stepdad. For 20 years, we all co-existed like blended families do; as forced families trying to make sense of each other, and it wasn't easy. My teenage years were confusing as I didn't know myself, let alone this person who was in a father figure role. To be frank, it's probably fair to say that we couldn't stand each other. And then one day, things fall apart and you aren't family anymore. It's weird.
And yet today, we all wept as if we were family. We laughed at our past issues. We hugged and shared feelings that were never shared. My stepdad said words that I had never heard from him: I am so proud of you. I expected him to say this for years and he never did. Then again, maybe I didn't do anything worthy of being proud of. Maybe the problem is in life, we have too high expectations of each other. I see it daily. Women are struggling with their body image. Mothers are striving to be as good as the others. Friends expect secrets to be kept. Relationships are expected to just work. And then when you take a step back, grow older and wiser and reflect, you can understand that perhaps everyone is just doing the best that they can. Perhaps they did the best they could. Perhaps we can forgive and move forward armed with the knowledge of our mistakes and the wisdom of a prophet.
Perhaps we just need the time and space away to understand that everyone is unique, that we shouldn't cast judgement and most importantly, life is too damn short.
While Flo's grandson played the guitar and choked back the lyrics to "Amazing Grace" and "You are my sunshine", I had a thought. What if we just all could accept each other for who we are, for the good and bad days, respect the bonds that we've shared, honour the times spent together and if it doesn't work, carry forward as friends, at the very least?
What if we could just stop expecting so much and take the time to accept?
What if.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Faith in humanity
We sat glued to the tv for almost 18 hours yesterday. At 3 in the morning, we got word of the chaos that was ensuing on the streets of our neighbouring country. And watched the final minutes as the son of a bitch got cornered and captured.
I will never forget where I was and what I was doing during 9/11. The sheer terror of the unknown and what was to ensue next.
I literally remember the other night before bed thinking....it's sure been awhile since we've heard of terrorist events, and low and behold the next day we hear about the Boston marathon bombings.
The live coverage showed a city paralyzed with fear. Empty streets with the exception of the armed forces and media coverage. I wondered what the spouses and families were feeling as they saw their loved ones on TV, reporting live with what would later make unbelievable and historical footage....I feel I too would be torn to "get back" and out of the way in case yet another bomb went off and also trying to document the unbelievable moments that took place.
The gory and gruesome photos that have surfaced are heartwrenching, but it is the photos that document the humanism, the acts of kindness that really restore my faith in humanity. Human beings running towards the chaos trying to help. The strangers. The physicians. The police.
These are our heroes.
May God have mercy on evil's soul and may the long road to recovery for the survivors be filled with God's grace and watchful eyes.
I will never forget where I was and what I was doing during 9/11. The sheer terror of the unknown and what was to ensue next.
I literally remember the other night before bed thinking....it's sure been awhile since we've heard of terrorist events, and low and behold the next day we hear about the Boston marathon bombings.
The live coverage showed a city paralyzed with fear. Empty streets with the exception of the armed forces and media coverage. I wondered what the spouses and families were feeling as they saw their loved ones on TV, reporting live with what would later make unbelievable and historical footage....I feel I too would be torn to "get back" and out of the way in case yet another bomb went off and also trying to document the unbelievable moments that took place.
The gory and gruesome photos that have surfaced are heartwrenching, but it is the photos that document the humanism, the acts of kindness that really restore my faith in humanity. Human beings running towards the chaos trying to help. The strangers. The physicians. The police.
These are our heroes.
May God have mercy on evil's soul and may the long road to recovery for the survivors be filled with God's grace and watchful eyes.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Heaven and earth
From the moment Wendy and Michael walked in our door my husband and I knew they were different.
Meeting with them to do our maternity photo session has been a long time coming, with the unexpected loss of our son last year- we had to obviously cancel our maternity session. Wendy was very supportive and understanding, but also instilled hope in our hearts that we will one day get to work with them for a maternity and newborn shoot.
Wendy was actually one of the first people we announced our current pregnancy to. She was genuinely sweet and we were able to book our April 2013 session with her.
Being a very shy and self conscious person, I knew I didn't really feel comfortable taking bare belly shots, during our session, they did not force us to do anything we didn't feel comfortable doing.
What I noticed happening during our session was (with their encouragement and positive feedback ) my confidence was becoming greater and greater. They made me feel like I was actually able to take a nice photo. Wendy then asked if I was interested in doing some belly photos with just her in private, something told me I should try, and so I did. I think this is something I would have regretted not doing. I thank her so much for this!
It's not often people hire photographers or other people running businesses, that can instantly feel like your friends. My husband and I are very grateful for Wendy and Michaels help in capturing some of our first precious milestones of our new baby boy, as well as so beautifully capturing special memories of our angel baby.
Looking forward to many more sessions together!
Eric & Katie Frankum
Meeting with them to do our maternity photo session has been a long time coming, with the unexpected loss of our son last year- we had to obviously cancel our maternity session. Wendy was very supportive and understanding, but also instilled hope in our hearts that we will one day get to work with them for a maternity and newborn shoot.
Wendy was actually one of the first people we announced our current pregnancy to. She was genuinely sweet and we were able to book our April 2013 session with her.
Being a very shy and self conscious person, I knew I didn't really feel comfortable taking bare belly shots, during our session, they did not force us to do anything we didn't feel comfortable doing.
What I noticed happening during our session was (with their encouragement and positive feedback ) my confidence was becoming greater and greater. They made me feel like I was actually able to take a nice photo. Wendy then asked if I was interested in doing some belly photos with just her in private, something told me I should try, and so I did. I think this is something I would have regretted not doing. I thank her so much for this!
It's not often people hire photographers or other people running businesses, that can instantly feel like your friends. My husband and I are very grateful for Wendy and Michaels help in capturing some of our first precious milestones of our new baby boy, as well as so beautifully capturing special memories of our angel baby.
Looking forward to many more sessions together!
Eric & Katie Frankum
Sunday, April 14, 2013
You get what you give
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget
You only get what you give.
Happy Sunday Lovers.
xo
Friday, April 12, 2013
Costa Rica wedding week...in video
I didn't have my tripod so please excuse the amateurish shake in the video...just thought there were some moments that simply couldn't be captured by still photos alone. Enjoy the highlights of the wedding week.
Videographers, we are looking to team up with you for our wedding packages.
Contact me to discuss.
xo
https://vimeo.com/63920676
Videographers, we are looking to team up with you for our wedding packages.
Contact me to discuss.
xo
https://vimeo.com/63920676
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