Sink or swim

Someone once told me that she only worries about her own front door step in life. This was in response to my question regarding how she managed to stay out of office politics and drama. A few weeks ago, a group of friends got together for some food and drinks at a local pub. The guys were discussing the catty nature of women and how they are never quite sure if they are supposed to support their wives by getting involved, or just let them figure it out themselves. This discussion got a little more heated as we delved into fictitious scenarios.

One of the husbands quipped that if the world was coming to an end and he was only allowed certain people in his magical make believe boat to get away, his family would surely be the ones on the boat. We teased and joked Michael as he started showing up to more events on our street, that he wanted to make sure he was at least considered to be included on the boat.

The truth is, when push comes to shove in a natural disaster, it is our family that we ensure are okay first. Friends are amazing and sometimes in life, even more important to us than some of our relatives. Who can we turn to though when we really need them? When people casually say they are there for us, what does that really mean and when we redeem that offer, has the offer suddenly expired? Or are they merely out of stock?

Being a fatherless only child, I've placed so much importance on my friends in my life. Last night we had a bride and groom to our home for dinner to discuss their nearly-here wedding. Once we finalized the details of the timeline, we were able to enjoy the rest of our evening; more as friends and less as client/vendor. Weddings are such an emotional milestone in our lives, and often times, the way we envision it and the people we envision to be part of it, do not necessarily line up with how things actually transpire. I've spoken to countless people who no longer speak to their wedding party or who hold grudges for things gone awry during their planning process. It's a hard lump to swallow. Believe me, I know.

After we were married, so much about my priorities in life changed. My new husband and our immediate families were where my time and focus and effort and love were spent. We will never regret asking our parents to stand up for us at our wedding. We never have to look at photos and shudder or wonder why we had ever considered this person as an option. We never have to wonder what they are up to. We never hold contempt because they couldn't be bothered with their bridal party duties. The truth is, we couldn't have made a better decision.

Friends come and go. Things are always temporary and changing. Who you may invite to your wedding now may not necessarily be who you would invite 2 years from now. We feel the same way. People fall back on their promises. They disappear and then reappear years later. People disappoint you. They listen with keen ears to your problems, yet stab you right in the back. They befriend people, even if they know those same people have hurt you. I've been guilty in life of being attracted to attractive looking people, even if at their core, they aren't good people and you deep down know they do not have your best interests at heart. When you peel away all the sparkles, what is there left? Have you ever been in a scenario where you know you are talked about, but remain faithful anyways? Why do we do this to ourselves? In business, there is a saying: "How things begin is how it ends" so if you have a hunch right away, it's best to tap into that intuition and run like hell in the other direction.

We all move on with our lives and although we say we're there for people, we call them our "best friends", we put our faith and trust into colleagues, friends, neighbours, and acquaintances, when it comes down to it.....if there was one boat, and you had to choose the people who would fill it, ask yourself, who would that be?

Family is everything. People say I've changed. I definitely have. I love my friends, but it's more important to me to take care of my own front doorstep. And to understand in the fictional scenario,
who we would make room for in our boat.

Ask yourselves, are the people in your lives making your boat sink? Or worthy of jumping aboard?

Sail away with me honey.

W.