Monday, October 1, 2012

Building a mystery

My blog posts are often a topic of conversation. In most cases, I am very vague about the subject I am talking about. Sometimes, it is about nobody in particular at all. Sometimes I am writing based on a culmination of discussions mixed in with my own life experiences which allows me to form some definitive conclusions. At this weekend's dinner party, one of my posts came up in dialogue. My friends were guessing who it was about. Were you talking about person XYZ? I chuckled. Not at all. Sometimes, I am speaking from personal experience and yet at other times, speaking in a generalized fashion. When I speak about an ex, I am often not talking about my ex, but talking on behalf of breaking hearts everywhere. When I speak about failed relationships, I never mention names, although the ones who read it I'm sure know exactly what I am talking about. Or am I talking about them? How quick are we to assume that someone's Facebook status is about us? Are we that defensive?

My friend told me this weekend that she admires me because I put it all out there. She told me I am like a psychologist who is not afraid to say what I think but also can offer advice from my life experiences. Yet there are others who tsk tsk me for speaking so candidly. For every tsk tsk or whisper, there are 10 more emails that come my way thanking me for being real, for admitting that I don't have a best friend, for admitting that my marriage isn't always a fairtyale and for admitting that I am not perfect. Nobody's perfect. That is no mystery so why is everyone constantly pretending they are? These are my weaknesses, my insecurities and although we all have them, why do we hold our cards so close to our chest? What is the worst thing that can happen when people know our insecurities? Personally speaking, I feel people are more likely to leave you alone when you are honest but constantly dig at the truth they know, if you continue to pretend. Constantly trying to get you to admit the truth that is so obvious. What's the worst thing that can happen when you let your guard down? You certainly won't die from it. It's actually rather freeing to say the truth and express weakness. You should try it.

The people that I choose to be around are the people who are real, honest and not afraid of what the world will think. The people who can stop pointing the fingers, complaining and gossiping about others and look inward at their own lives. The people who get it.

There should be no mystery in close relationships. You should not have to wonder if the person you are sharing your life with, whether it is a husband, spouse, friend or family member, really has your best interests at heart. Speaking of heart, you should always trust it. That feeling you get inside from someone who is supposed to be your loved one....if it's a negative one, then listen to it.

I used to have a high school friend that would comment every day on my outfit in a negative way. You're so dressed upppppp she would say to me, because I lived off campus at University and came to school in jeans and not pajamas. And it would be in that mocking tone of voice. You know that kind of voice that is unrecognizably negative unless you are super close. Because you know that person so well and what their intentions are. The kind of people who compliment strangers but can never give their best friend a sincere compliment. The kind of people who direct a poignant question to you in front of others that they know the answer to, but just want to make you feel uncomfortable. We all know this kind.

I had a group of friends that were fun. We had a great time together. But in my head was always that little voice that said this is temporary. And sure enough, out with the old and in with the new. Immediately. Do you ever get the feeling that if you were to walk away from someone, that they would not come back? I did this to someone who always had snide comments. You know the type, you work at the same company for years and suddenly they are leaving and can only say negative things about the company, because after all, you're still there and they are moving on. I know the psychology of all this but does knowing where it's all coming from make it easier? Do we have to accept people's negative actions just because they simply don't know any better?

Life and it's mysteries. I contemplate them every day. And wait for the tides to change and the other shoe to drop. Because it most certainly always does.

1 comment:

  1. As always, well said. Mysteries have no place in friendships.